What Will Crazy Loons Do Without Newspapers?

It will be a sad day when I can no longer read my news on paper. But let’s face it, that day is getting closer all the time. I think we’ll all survive, as one experience replaces another. The final nail in the coffin for printed newspapers is going to be e-readers – which will soon [now] provide all of us with a viable compromise between print and digital.

As long as we have a vehicle for receiving our news, does the format really matter? I don’t think so. What really concerns me is all the other things we use newspapers for. What will happen when we no longer have stacks of papers around?

That’s the question raised by The Onion in it’s recent news report parody hitting on the hot button issues surrounding the death of newspapers.

How Will The End Of Print Journalism Affect Old Loons Who Hoard Newspapers?

This clip leaves a lot of unanswered questions, namely:

  • What will crazy old loons stack in their houses when newspapers are gone?
  • Are newspapers more ‘stackable’ than computer printouts?
  • What will people cover the floor with while painting?
  • What will kindergarten teachers use now to make piñatas?

You gotta love The Onion. I don’t care what these people say, I’m not getting rid of my stacks of newspapers. They’re going to be worth money someday. Admit it, you’ve got a stack of newspapers in your house, don’t you?

About Jeremy Porter 214 Articles
Jeremy Porter has been passionate about the intersection of public relations and journalism since studying both Public Relations and Journalism at Utica College of Syracuse University in the late 90s. Porter launched Journalistics in 2009 to share his ideas and insights around both professions and how trends and developments in modern day marketing, communications, and technology impact those working in these fields. Porter also values the traditions and history of both professions and regularly shares his perspective in these areas - and related topics geared toward the next generation of journalism and public relations professionals.


  1. I admit it. I have newspapers in my house and here in Trinidad, we use it for wrapping stuff, for lighting fires (not arson!!!), for lining puppy boxes. Can’t do that with a laptop now can you? But my parents read the paper…the physical paper. I read the news online. When my parents’ generation goes, the paper may go with them. And yet some journalists still don’t use social media at all. Interesting isn’t it?

  2. It was betimes fitting that the newspaper graced by a client’s mugshot one day would line the bottom of my parrot’s cage the next. Sadly, those days will soon be behind us.

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